As a child growing up in the 80's and 90's things like ADHD, depression, anxiety, and even autism were a rarely heard of and taboo topic of conversation.  I think that mental health as a whole needed a lot more research to be done before most people were willing to take it seriously.

I wasn't officially diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder until my late teens.  If my memory is correct I was 18.  When I got my diagnosis so much clicked into place about my behaviors as a child.  As I've grown and learned to better understand my anxiety I have realized that I was anxious nearly as far back as I can remember. 

My anxiety has most often been triggered by the unknown.  As such I tried to combat the unknown by controlling my world.  I did this by working hard at school and keeping my life and belongings organized just so and depending heavily on the clock.  I would often erupt into tears of frustration if we did not leave in exactly, "10 minutes" or exactly at "11:30" if that is what I had been told.  I spent a good portion of 5th to 12th grades feeling like life was very precarious and going to shatter at any moment. 

By junior high and high school I'd learned to go with the flow a little bit better as far as time was concerned but high school brought on a whole new anxiety. 

What if they are pretending to like me? 

Are they judging everything I say? 

Are any of these people really my friends? 

This constant anxiety about my peer relationships was so stressing that by the end of 11th grade I took the last two weeks of school off using my student vacation days.  Between junior year and college I was finally diagnosed and put on Zoloft. 

This and college were really good for me.  I was able to learn who I am as a person deep down inside and also learned that it does not matter one iota what other people think of me.  There is only one person whose opinion matters and that is Heavenly Father.  He loves me no matter what.  I'm sure that the many religion courses I had in college and the guys I dated helped as well. 

By the end of college and into my early married years I weaned off of my anxiety meds a couple of different times.  It wasn't until I had my first child and was crazy emotional after the birth that I recognized without a doubt that they helped me and with the exception of during pregnancy I have been on them ever since. 

Being a mother has brought out different sides of my anxiety than ever before, things like anger, sensory overload, feelings of inadequacy as a mom, and difficulty not to take it personally when my kids are disobeying, defiant, or argumentative. 

I have wished on more than one occasion that my anxiety had been diagnosed at a much earlier age so that I could have learned tools and skills to better cope with anxiety in the moment.  I have read a great many online and had therapists give me suggestions but as they say, "You can't teach an old dog new tricks."  I feel like because they weren't ingrained in me as a child it is harder for me to recall these skills in the heat of the moment. 

As a religious woman I have relied on the priesthood that comes via a blessing to help me get through many of my higher anxiety moments.  The result of all of this is that I have been hyper vigilant with my own kids (maybe too vigilant but who knows) and have noticed when something has seemed "off" or peculiar to me.  It has been so important to me that my kids have access to what they need to help them be successful far before they reach adulthood.  All three are participating in therapy of one kind or another and two are on medications for mental health related disorders. 

I'm so grateful that now a days mental health is more widely accepted and that people can receive the help that they need.

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